brothers

One of the most amazing things about parenting so far has been watching the relationship between these two boys develop. There are moments of pure sweetness, loyalty and laughter. There are also moments of profound conflict, screaming and tears. And so these two begin their journey as brothers. I was chatting with my coworkers over our holiday lunch a couple weeks ago, and many of them have older children. They all told me of how their children loved each other fiercely and fought with each other intensely. They told me not to be afraid of the fighting - it is part of being siblings, part of them learning to work things out with each other, part of them being children and developing the ability to give, take, assert and empathize. I gotta say, the thought of my boys getting bigger and stronger is a bit scary at times. Being 6.5 years older than my brother, we did not fight much - but then again, we did not bond much either. We were just so far apart in age (and interest) that our worlds did not have many opportunities to intersect. With my two boys, being two years apart, I think I am in for a very different ride. While I've been reading all sorts of books and blogs out there about parenting, the conversation with my coworkers reminded me to take the time to enjoy their relationship - in all its facets. They tell me that my boys are only going to be boys once, that I shouldn't fret too much if they don't always get along, that I should thoroughly soak in the times they exhibit their deep love for each other...and that they will grow up one day, and (so they tell me) I will miss the chaos and mayhem. So this new year, I will try to take this to heart, to live in the moments, and remember to enjoy. Happy New Year everyone!

mini get-away

For the first time in 1.5 years, the husband and I took an over-night trip somewhere without the kids. Thanks to the grandparents (and my brother), we got to sneak out to the cape for a couple days, and just...chill. We had originally thought that we could walk the cute streets of Hyannis and drive along the ocean coast. But when we got to our cozy hotel, we realized all we really wanted to do was to sit around, have time to chat, sleep whenever we wanted, and eat good food. And so, that's what we did. Besides going into town for meals (those $1 oysters were amazing - harvested locally and really really fresh), we mostly just hungout in our hotel lobby - a cozy and empty livingroom-like space. We brought out a stack of books to read, we talked about things we normally don't have time to talk about - how our marriage is going, highlights from 2012, hopes/questions for 2013, movies we want to see, etc., and we napped when we wanted to nap. It was nice to be so close to home (about an hour drive), so it didn't feel like we were too far from the kids. But to have the time and freedom to just be the two of us...that was glorious.

this christmas

This Christmas was quite a rollercoaster ride...but thankfully, THANKFULLY, there was a happy ending. A friend of mine went to the ER the day before Christmas, ended up in the ICU that evening with a life-threatening situation. Our Christmas eve was spent praying and caring for her family. It was hard not to think about worst-case scenarios, especially as things seemed to progress that way. But they were in store for a Christmas miracle - somehow between the panic of Christmas eve and the light snow fall of Christmas morning, things changed - she was able to get transferred out of the ICU Christmas morning, and she was able to go home and spend Christmas evening with her family. It was quite the rollercoaster ride (and quite the miracle!). It got me thinking about all the people that have to work on Christmas eve and Christmas day. The nurses, the doctors, the specialist that got called in for her. I wonder if their families were disappointed that they could not be home for Christmas - I wonder if they missed their children opening presents, or if it caused fights and unhappiness and tears. But, from the other side this Christmas, I am so thankful for those who were working this Christmas - who served others on the holiday, who took the time to care, who laid down their lives for others. What a blessing. Aside from this, we had a warm and cozy Christmas at home, replete with the traditional dumpling-making on Christmas day - though this year, we made Korean-style mandoo instead of Chinese-style dumplings. A new twist on an old tradition. :) Some other highlights from our last couple days: I had not planned on getting a Christmas tree this year, but on December 23, I received an email saying that they were giving away free (beautiful!) Christmas trees around the corner from my house. So what could I do? I took my brother, and claimed us a tree...for free! I gotta say, it smells very nice, and definitely gives the house some extra Christmas cheer!

While getting our tree, I also picked up some of these tree stumps - perfect as candle bases. :)

The first snow angel of the season was made this Christmas day by a very giddy three year old...

And just one more little touch of hand-made fun, finished just in time...

Family. Health. A warm home. Thankful this Christmas.

creating routine and other things

It's been a rough week in the Hwang household. Aside from the saddening news from CT, we have also all been tired and grumpy all week. Why? Because little Owen decided last Tuesday to give up his bed-time routine - the 10 minute nurse-and-put-in-crib routine that he's been on for at least the last 6 months. Without any warning last week, he seemed all of a sudden to be aware that we were all outside his room having fun (or at least not sleeping), and he voiced his displeasure at this state of affairs loud and clear. Caught off guard, Jason and I fumbled with what to do for a few nights, and it ended up in less sleep for everyone...and a very grumpy Hwang clan this weekend (though actually, Owen seemed fine and happy). The goal this week is to reestablish some sort of bedtime routine/order, though I have a feeling it may not be as easy as the 10-minute one we had going. I always forget how important and grounding routine and order is until we step out of it...I guess that's how the kids always keep us on our toes. Last night, we managed to get both boys to bed by 8pm, and I got to do some crafting and making at night. It felt so good. This year, I'm trying to make more and buy less for Christmas. The biggest purchase we've made for Christmas is the Advent wreath, which we got in leiu of a Chistmas tree this year. I do still want to have a festive feel in the home - a general setting that reminds us it is Christmas season, a special time of year. To that end, here are a few things I've been trying... The image at the top is a simple, decorative touch - a glass jar, some leaves from a bush in our front yard, some cranberries, all immersed in water with a tealight candle on top. I love having candles burning during this season, and this was a simple thing to do at very low cost.

This is a homemade "Christmas tree" of sorts. The husband was quick to remind me that it does not in fact look like a tree. Yes, it is, I suppose, more symbolic. It is also not totally how I'd like it to be, but I do like the natural feel of the sticks (collected at a park), along with the lights and yarn balls (which we already had in the home) in the center to give it just a bit of volume. If I have time, I may try to rework it so it is more full on the inside...but otherwise, this is our rendition of a Christmas tree this year!

Friendship soup. This year, I am trying to get Collin into the role of gift-giving, since he is already pretty good at gift-receiving (which I hope he thoroughly enjoys as well). :) I found this fun idea online, and it worked great as a gift that a three-year old can help make as a way of participating in the gift giving process. This week we remember JOY as we light our third Advent candle - here's to hoping for a smoother bed-time, more energy to enjoy each other, and being mindful of the precious gift of family and children this week.

work(ing) map

I have been wanting to do this for years...this week, I finally put up a world map in my office, and put little sticker-dots on the countries where my current clients come from. I suppose it is not surprising that they mostly fall within the 10/40 window...or close to it. It is also extremely helpful for me to have a visual of where they have lived - it helps me put their story in context, and makes their situation feel more real and tangible. Sometimes in my cozy (albeit it small and "non-proit-esque") office, I forget that my clients come from places without regular electricity or water or food. And sometimes, I forget that they may come from a culture that does not emphasize punctuality, or encourage eye contact...or smell particularly nice. I forget that they may feel totally out of place in my cozy little office, and intimidated by the setting. Somehow having the map up on the wall reminds me that there is a big world outside of my little office; that there are cultures and norms and hurts and injustices that extend farther and deeper than what may first appear. I am reminded to be just a little more patient when a client shows up an hour late, and a little more understanding when they get impatient or demanding. I am reminded that my clients come from very different places and have very different backgrounds, and that is one of the things I love most about this job.

this advent

One thing I love about parenting is that it has made me a lot more mindful of the seasons. There's something about young children (and perhaps gardening) that seems to force me to live in the present - to notice the first frost, to prepare for the first snow, to watch the temperatures closely, to point out the first buds of spring to a curious young mind, to touch the first flower of the season, and to long for the days when we could take a walk at 7pm in light and warmth outside. There's something I really love about the changing seasons - the rhythm and pace it adds to life; the reminder of the passing days and the anticipation of times to come. In the same way, spiritual seasons have taken a bigger presence in our home life - partly because I want to teach the children about the meaning behind certain holidays (like Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter) and have them grow up with a certain sort of spiritual rhythm and predictability. But it's not just for the children - it's also for the adults - to remember the meaning behind what we are doing in our lives, to take time to reflect and process in the midst of holiday busyness, and to tend to our souls in the midst of preparation and celebration. This Advent, as we knit and cook and bake and make, we also (almost) daily light the candles on our advent wreath - beautifully made in Maine - and are guided by a family devotional, We Light the Candles. I hope this can help calibrate our family's hearts, minds and souls to truly and fully celebrate on December 25. "For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life." ~John 3:16